Introduction. While every Christian understands the conditional nature of God’s forgiveness, few seem to realize that our own forgiveness of others is also conditional. God demanded that we believe (Jn. 8:24), repent (Lk. 13:3), confess (Rom. 10:9-10), and be baptized (Acts 2:38) before He grants forgiveness and “remembers our sins no more” (Heb. 8:12). Before fulfilling these conditions, God only gives forbearance (Rom 2:1-11). He offers “a truce,” “a suspension of wrath which must eventually be exercised unless the sinner accepts God's conditions.” Sin will still be accounted for until it is forgiven (2Cor. 5:10; Mt. 12:36-37) and “the wages of sin is death” (Rom. 6:23).
What about us? When someone sins against us, can we unconditionally “remember it no more?”
What about us? When someone sins against us, can we unconditionally “remember it no more?”
Jesus warned His disciples to “take heed to yourselves” in regard to forgiveness. He wanted us to “take heed” to two things. First, if our brother sins, we must go and rebuke him. We can’t just forget it. Second, only after he repents can we forgive.
The reason is obvious. The “wages of sin (a single sin) is death” (Rom. 6:23). If we do not rebuke and seek repentance, that sin we have “overlooked” and feel so good that we have “forgiven” could cost his soul! Often “agape-love” takes us in exactly the opposite direction we think is right. Only when we are convinced our brother is back in favor with God can we forgive and forget. Anything else is not love, but apathy.
This is what Peter did for Simon the sorcerer (Acts 8:20-23) and Paul for the fornicator in Corinth (1Cor. 5:1-13). This is never the easy path. It is much easier to just “forgive and forget.” No one enjoys the confrontation of openly speaking to someone about his sin (rebuke). Though it is a pure act of “agape-love”, it often creates anger, resentment and accusations of being judgmental and “unforgiving.” But if we want to just “forgive and forget,” we must have “take heed” and remind ourselves that this is not what Jesus commanded.
Some may object, quoting Jesus in a vain attempt to get Him to contradict Himself. "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." (Mk 11:25-26; Mt. 6:14-15). How do we harmonize this?
Only two logical answers present themselves. First, they have already repented and we haven’t forgiven (Mt 18:18-35). Second, the forgiveness is given through the steps Jesus gave above. Thus we must take heed to ourselves and “if you brother sins rebuke him” and if he repents: “if you have anything against anyone forgive him.”
Forbearance Needed. So what are our feelings through all this? Can we hold grudges, hate, or treat people with contempt until they repent? Absolutely not!
We begin with forbearance and as quickly as possible move to forgiveness. Even if they won’t repent and we are taking the steps outlined by Jesus (Lk 17:3-4; Mt 18:15-18), we do it with “forbearance.” Forbearance does everything we would think of forgiveness doing, but stopping short of forgetting or restoring. The only difference between them is that forbearance still seeks repentance while forgiving allows us to forget and act as if it never happened.
Hence the title of this article presents the two paths we must take after being sinned against. We begin with forbearance. We are kind, merciful, compassionate, and humble. We treat them as forgiven in every way except we can’t forget, restore, or act as if it never happened. We go and show them their fault, rebuking them. If they refuse to repent we take witnesses, tell it to the church and count them as a Gentile and tax collector.
Paul told the church in Corinth to “deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus” (1 Cor. 5:5) and “not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner — not even to eat with such a person” (1Cor. 5:11).
It was only after this brother finally repented that Paul said: “his punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow.” (2Cor. 2:6-8).
Conclusion. If Cain had waited for the reply when he asked “Am I my brother’s keeper,” God would have answered “yes!” We can’t ignore sin and call it forgiveness. We must love and do all within our power to get our erring brother to repent.
- "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him" (Luke 17:3-4)
The reason is obvious. The “wages of sin (a single sin) is death” (Rom. 6:23). If we do not rebuke and seek repentance, that sin we have “overlooked” and feel so good that we have “forgiven” could cost his soul! Often “agape-love” takes us in exactly the opposite direction we think is right. Only when we are convinced our brother is back in favor with God can we forgive and forget. Anything else is not love, but apathy.
This is what Peter did for Simon the sorcerer (Acts 8:20-23) and Paul for the fornicator in Corinth (1Cor. 5:1-13). This is never the easy path. It is much easier to just “forgive and forget.” No one enjoys the confrontation of openly speaking to someone about his sin (rebuke). Though it is a pure act of “agape-love”, it often creates anger, resentment and accusations of being judgmental and “unforgiving.” But if we want to just “forgive and forget,” we must have “take heed” and remind ourselves that this is not what Jesus commanded.
- "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector" (Mt 18:15-18)
Some may object, quoting Jesus in a vain attempt to get Him to contradict Himself. "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." (Mk 11:25-26; Mt. 6:14-15). How do we harmonize this?
Only two logical answers present themselves. First, they have already repented and we haven’t forgiven (Mt 18:18-35). Second, the forgiveness is given through the steps Jesus gave above. Thus we must take heed to ourselves and “if you brother sins rebuke him” and if he repents: “if you have anything against anyone forgive him.”
Forbearance Needed. So what are our feelings through all this? Can we hold grudges, hate, or treat people with contempt until they repent? Absolutely not!
- "Put on therefore, as God's elect, holy and beloved, a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 forbearing one another, and forgiving each other, if any man have a complaint against any; even as the Lord forgave you, so also you must do." (Col. 3:12-13)
We begin with forbearance and as quickly as possible move to forgiveness. Even if they won’t repent and we are taking the steps outlined by Jesus (Lk 17:3-4; Mt 18:15-18), we do it with “forbearance.” Forbearance does everything we would think of forgiveness doing, but stopping short of forgetting or restoring. The only difference between them is that forbearance still seeks repentance while forgiving allows us to forget and act as if it never happened.
Hence the title of this article presents the two paths we must take after being sinned against. We begin with forbearance. We are kind, merciful, compassionate, and humble. We treat them as forgiven in every way except we can’t forget, restore, or act as if it never happened. We go and show them their fault, rebuking them. If they refuse to repent we take witnesses, tell it to the church and count them as a Gentile and tax collector.
Paul told the church in Corinth to “deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus” (1 Cor. 5:5) and “not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner — not even to eat with such a person” (1Cor. 5:11).
It was only after this brother finally repented that Paul said: “his punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow.” (2Cor. 2:6-8).
Conclusion. If Cain had waited for the reply when he asked “Am I my brother’s keeper,” God would have answered “yes!” We can’t ignore sin and call it forgiveness. We must love and do all within our power to get our erring brother to repent.