Love

Introduction.  When the “Word became flesh and dwelt among us,” He came to bring light back into this dark and dismal world and to shine the love of God into the hearts of sinful men. He sought to restore that same divine love into our own hearts. Man had so corrupted “love” as God had created it, until it was only a means to satisfy his own selfish desires. Scholars reveal the words Jesus had to choose from as He sought to direct man back to the truth.

• “Basically, there are three expressions for love in pre-biblical Greek: eran, philein, and agapan. (1) eran, in every age the Greeks sung glowing hymns to sensually joyous – eros ... (2) philein/philia on the contrary, signifies for the most part the inclination or solicitous love ... of friends for friends. ... (3) In the word agapan the Greek finds nothing of the power or magic of eran and little of the warmth of philein. Its etymology is uncertain, and its meaning weak and variable. ... But whereas eros consistently engages the thinking of poets and philosophers from Homer to Plotinus, agapan hardly ever emerges as a subject of radical deliberation. It is indeed striking that the substantive agape  is almost completely lacking in pre-biblical Greek... a love that does not desire but gives. …”  (Kittel TDWNT; NT #26)

The paradox could not greater.  While man glorified the sensual love of eros which only used others for its own selfish desires, Jesus never found any use for this term! Yet while “agape is almost completely lacking in pre-biblical Greek,” Jesus used it 250 times in the 27 books of the New Testament! What an indictment of the folly of human wisdom and human pleasure! Greek poets and philosophers only spoke of eros and found “no power or magic” in agape, while Jesus found nothing but contempt and evil in eros. His new commandment made agape-love the sign of a genuine discipleship.

• A new commandment I give to you, that you love (agape) one another; as I have loved (agape) you, that you also love (agape) one another.  35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love (agape) for one another." (John 13:34-35)

What made this commandment new was the far greater objective measurement. Prior to Jesus we could only love “with all our soul, might and mind.” We could only love “as ourselves.” Now we are to love and make sacrifices even as Jesus Himself loved us.

Limitations of phileo-love. While Jesus could have used the third word (phileo-love), it had one fundamental limitation. In order to have phileo-love, there must be feelings of need and desire. We can’t feel phileo-love unless something draws us to it. From infancy, this love played a vital role in our growth and development. Infants need to be loved, caressed and held– they need to feel needed and desired! We all learned to love some things while equally disliking others. We phileo-love foods, hobbies, subjects and people based on what makes us feel happy. We need a word like this to express to others what truly pleases and fulfills us. When we say “I love you” to our spouse, they want to hear, "I need and desire you". When we say “I loved that” about a meal, place, gift, or person they hear of our pleasure and enjoyment.

In this sense, phileo-love has an important role, being used 55 times in the NT. Some examples are:  The love of the Father for the Son (Jn. 5:20), Jesus’ love for Lazarus (Jn. 11:3), the Father’s love for disciples (Jn. 16:27), and Jesus love for those he rebukes and chastens (Rev. 3:19).

A Greater Love.  But Jesus needed something far greater than phileo to explain and reveal the depth of God’s love. He chose agape-love because it went far beyond phileo-love. It needs neither desire nor pleasure to work. Regardless of feelings, under the influence of agape-love we will still “wish well to,” and “regard the welfare of...” everyone. (Thayer, p. 3; 25).

• For God so loved (agape) the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. Jn. 3:16

God wrote this to help us see His own attitude and feeling toward fallen man. He doesn’t want to use us, He wants to save us. Though it took His own Son’s life to redeem us, God’s agape-love regarded our welfare to that degree and sought to wish us well. Though we were enemies, “hateful and hating one another,” God still demonstrated His own agape-love:

• But God demonstrates His own love (agape) toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us...For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. Rom. 5:8,10

God’s agape-love made great sacrifices for man’s needs, even for those who would never appreciate or use it. This is the essence of agape-love. It considers only the needs and well being of others, not what might be gained in return. It makes great sacrifices for the needs of those with nothing to give in return!

Knowing the distinction between phileo and agape, helps us to understand Peter’s anguish as Jesus questioned him after his denial. Jesus used agape-love in His first two questions, asking Peter if he wished Him well and had regard for Him. Peter responded with phileo-love, because he not only had agape, but also that sense of desire, pleasure and need. When Jesus in His third question used phileo-love, Peter was grieved because Jesus was now questioning his phileo-love.

• “So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love (agape) Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love (phileo) You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.”  16 He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love (agape) Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love (phileo) You.” He said to him, “Tend My sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love (phileo) Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love (phileo) Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love (phileo) You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep." John 21:15-17

Conclusion.  Jesus selected agape-love as His word to describe God’s love, His love, and what our love must be. He lived it and died to fulfill it. We are to learn to love as He loved us. Yet even with Jesus’ example of His agape-love, it still exceeds our ability to comprehend. Even with everything revealed in the New Testament to guide and lead us, it still far exceeds and passes our knowledge.

• "that you, being rooted and grounded in love (agape), 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height —  19 to know the love (agape) of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Eph. 3:17-19