Introduction. The mark of godly Christians is found in the manner they keep Jesus’ commands. Jesus was clear that only those who “abide in My word are truly My disciples” and that “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (Jn. 8:31-32; 14:15). Every command is important and all who love Jesus will keep them. Yet as noted last week, there are times when two commands come into conflict due to time or circumstances and difficult choices must be made. If we see an accident on the way to fulfill the cherished command to assemble on the first day of the week, it will come into conflict with the command to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus spoke of the conflict faced by the priests offering sacrifices or circumcising a child on the Sabbath. When they sacrificed they “profaned and broke the Sabbath.” If they chose to keep the Sabbath and not circumcise, then the “the Law of Moses would be broken.” (Mt. 12:1-14; Jn. 7:23-24). We are greatly blessed that Jesus revealed what to do under such circumstances. His advice to all who face such dilemmas is: “if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless.” (Mt. 12:7). Mercy is the key to safely navigate these rough waters.
Jephthah is one of the most emotionally charged illustrations. Jephthah made a very dangerous vow: “Whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, ... I will offer it up as a burnt offering.” (Judg. 11:31-40). When the first thing that met him was his daughter, he found himself between two commands. The 6th commandment said “You shall not murder” (Ex 20:13) while the law of vows said “If a man makes a vow ... he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.” (Num. 30:2). Even to this day, people debate whether he made the right decision when “he carried out his vow with her.” What would we have done? Would we plead with God to forgive us for that foolish vow or murder our only daughter? How does mercy fit?
The Pharisees also had to choose between a vow and a commandment. Their traditions held that a vow must be kept above the 5th commandment to “honor your father and mother.” Jesus was clear! This tradition made void not only the word of God, but their worship (Mt. 15:1-9). The Hebrew word for gift, “‘Corban!’ is simply an exclamation and thus a vow that dedicates the money or the goods involved to God.” (Lenski). Whether the vow was spoken in greed, anger, or as a result of God’s blessings, if the word “corban” or “gift” came out of their mouth, it was a binding vow to God. If later, upon reflection or a change in circumstance, they sought to fulfill the 5th commandment to honor their parents their tradition prohibited it. Their tradition justified those children who didn’t want to help their parents, proclaiming “he need not honor his parents” (Mt. 15:6). But it also hindered those children who wanted to honor father and mother because any child who sought to use the money vowed to God for his parents’ needs was prohibited from doing so: “you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother.” (Mk. 7:5-13).
Their tradition allowed a vow (a gift or Corban) to abrogate the 5th commandment. By doing this, Jesus proclaimed they “made void and nullified the Law” (Lou & Nida NT:208). When the vow and the command to honor father and mother came into conflict, a choice had to be made. But if they had known “I desire mercy and not sacrifice” they would never have made such an evil tradition. When Jesus concluded: “Many such things you do,” He revealed this was not an isolated incident. What the Jews had done with the Sabbath, Jesus’ eating with sinners (Mt. 9:10-13), and honoring parents were only a few examples. This was clearly a prevalent problem and because they did not have or understand mercy, they were making many traditions that violated the Law.
Some Christians today face the same difficult choice. The choice between church discipline and the 5th commandment is just as complicated as the command between vows and the 5th commandment. The 5th commandment to honor father and mother was placed in the gospel (Eph. 6:1-3) and then elaborated upon: “if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1Tim. 5:8). What happens when obeying this command comes into conflict with the universal command to “withdraw” and “do not associate” with every brother walking disorderly (2Th. 3:6; 3:14-15)?
The commands of church discipline are clearly revealed. Jesus gave the initial instructions for publicly known sin that is not repented and confessed (Mt. 18:15-17). We first go alone, take one or two with us, and finally tell it to the entire church. If “they refuse to hear,” they become to us “like a heathen and a tax collector.” Paul told those in Corinth, “not to keep company with anyone named a brother,” if they refuse to repent of their sin. Since “withdraw” means “avoid, shrink back, shy away from, and abstain from familiar contact,” it is clear that the relationship must end. Since to not “keep company” is added we must not “associate with one, normally involving closeness, joint activity, and some kind of reciprocal involvement.” All forms of closeness, joint activities and association must cease. Whatever activities done formerly with them must stop, including eating. As a single command, it is painful, but not difficult to understand or fulfill. If we knew them through the church, and they have been withdrawn from, we cease all the activities we formerly did with them. When we do meet them by chance, we “do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.”
Problems arise when we have other relationships outside of the one formed by God in the church. When they are not only a brother/sister in Christ, but also a master/slave (Eph. 6:5-9) the two commands will come into conflict. A slave in the 1st century who brought his master to the Lord shared ties of brotherhood in the church (1Tim. 6:1-2). If that master is later withdrawn from, how can that imprisoned slave “avoid and have no contact” with his master (1Pet. 2:18-21)? He is told to serve him as He does Jesus. How can he “not associate or jointly work with” his master?
Even more powerful would be the marriage bond. Jesus commanded “what God has joined together let not man separate.” Does the command to withdraw from every brother allow a wife to separate? Obviously not! Jesus only gave adultery as the grounds, nothing more. Thus a husband or wife must still cleave and be one flesh (Eph. 5:22-31). Can she no longer submit to her own withdrawn from husband? Does a husband no longer need love his withdrawn from wife as Christ loved the church? What about the commands in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5? Neither has “power over their own body” and each “must render the affection due.” Clearly having “no association” and “keeping no company” is going to be a challenge. Those who proclaim if they simply don’t eat with them they somehow fulfill the command do not understand the concept of not keeping company. If the wife buys, cooks and sets the table, has all other relations with him as commanded how will not eating make it all ok?
The command to withdraw from EVERY BROTHER will bring into conflict the commands for a husband/wife, the commands for a servant/master, and the 5th commandment reflected in the New Testament for children/parents. Thus we are still confronted with the same dilemma the Pharisees faced. What traditions have we created? Have we told children they don’t need to honor their father and mother? If we follow the Pharisees, we will receive the same condemnation. We must help these Christians with their terrible burdens with mercy and compassion. We can’t set aside either command. But when they come into conflict, we have to allow their boundaries to be moved. How far and in what way must be left to the conscience of the individual Christian facing it. Never forget: mercy triumphs over judgment.
Each spouse of a withdrawn from Christian must walk between the lines of these two mandates. Like it or not, God did not reveal which command is more binding or more important. A wife in submission to her husband might appear to some in the church to be in violation of the command to withdraw. But what except prejudice or human wisdom would allow them to judge and condemn her for keeping the command to be in submission. In her own way and to the best of her ability she strives to keep both commands. How she does it is left to her discretion and not the church. This would be just as true of parents & children and brothers & sisters. We must use mercy!
There is no question that some will abuse this difficult and complicated situation. Some will use withdrawal to completely violate the commands of a husband or wife. Others will use the commands regarding relationships to violate the command for discipline. But since we have no guidance here, we must use mercy and compassion and leave it to God to sort out the motives.
Conclusion. God’s word is perfect. It “is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword” “and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” When commands conflict and overlap, God sees the true intents and thoughts of the heart. We must never forget, “the heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, (Heb. 4:12-13; Jer. 17:9-10). When one command conflicts with another, the heart of the person seeking to fulfill it is being tested. In the same way, the hearts of those who are judging, assessing and advising are also being tested. In both cases, judgment is being judged. If it is not done in mercy, then “judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” (Jas. 2:13).
The Pharisees also had to choose between a vow and a commandment. Their traditions held that a vow must be kept above the 5th commandment to “honor your father and mother.” Jesus was clear! This tradition made void not only the word of God, but their worship (Mt. 15:1-9). The Hebrew word for gift, “‘Corban!’ is simply an exclamation and thus a vow that dedicates the money or the goods involved to God.” (Lenski). Whether the vow was spoken in greed, anger, or as a result of God’s blessings, if the word “corban” or “gift” came out of their mouth, it was a binding vow to God. If later, upon reflection or a change in circumstance, they sought to fulfill the 5th commandment to honor their parents their tradition prohibited it. Their tradition justified those children who didn’t want to help their parents, proclaiming “he need not honor his parents” (Mt. 15:6). But it also hindered those children who wanted to honor father and mother because any child who sought to use the money vowed to God for his parents’ needs was prohibited from doing so: “you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother.” (Mk. 7:5-13).
Their tradition allowed a vow (a gift or Corban) to abrogate the 5th commandment. By doing this, Jesus proclaimed they “made void and nullified the Law” (Lou & Nida NT:208). When the vow and the command to honor father and mother came into conflict, a choice had to be made. But if they had known “I desire mercy and not sacrifice” they would never have made such an evil tradition. When Jesus concluded: “Many such things you do,” He revealed this was not an isolated incident. What the Jews had done with the Sabbath, Jesus’ eating with sinners (Mt. 9:10-13), and honoring parents were only a few examples. This was clearly a prevalent problem and because they did not have or understand mercy, they were making many traditions that violated the Law.
Some Christians today face the same difficult choice. The choice between church discipline and the 5th commandment is just as complicated as the command between vows and the 5th commandment. The 5th commandment to honor father and mother was placed in the gospel (Eph. 6:1-3) and then elaborated upon: “if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1Tim. 5:8). What happens when obeying this command comes into conflict with the universal command to “withdraw” and “do not associate” with every brother walking disorderly (2Th. 3:6; 3:14-15)?
The commands of church discipline are clearly revealed. Jesus gave the initial instructions for publicly known sin that is not repented and confessed (Mt. 18:15-17). We first go alone, take one or two with us, and finally tell it to the entire church. If “they refuse to hear,” they become to us “like a heathen and a tax collector.” Paul told those in Corinth, “not to keep company with anyone named a brother,” if they refuse to repent of their sin. Since “withdraw” means “avoid, shrink back, shy away from, and abstain from familiar contact,” it is clear that the relationship must end. Since to not “keep company” is added we must not “associate with one, normally involving closeness, joint activity, and some kind of reciprocal involvement.” All forms of closeness, joint activities and association must cease. Whatever activities done formerly with them must stop, including eating. As a single command, it is painful, but not difficult to understand or fulfill. If we knew them through the church, and they have been withdrawn from, we cease all the activities we formerly did with them. When we do meet them by chance, we “do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.”
Problems arise when we have other relationships outside of the one formed by God in the church. When they are not only a brother/sister in Christ, but also a master/slave (Eph. 6:5-9) the two commands will come into conflict. A slave in the 1st century who brought his master to the Lord shared ties of brotherhood in the church (1Tim. 6:1-2). If that master is later withdrawn from, how can that imprisoned slave “avoid and have no contact” with his master (1Pet. 2:18-21)? He is told to serve him as He does Jesus. How can he “not associate or jointly work with” his master?
Even more powerful would be the marriage bond. Jesus commanded “what God has joined together let not man separate.” Does the command to withdraw from every brother allow a wife to separate? Obviously not! Jesus only gave adultery as the grounds, nothing more. Thus a husband or wife must still cleave and be one flesh (Eph. 5:22-31). Can she no longer submit to her own withdrawn from husband? Does a husband no longer need love his withdrawn from wife as Christ loved the church? What about the commands in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5? Neither has “power over their own body” and each “must render the affection due.” Clearly having “no association” and “keeping no company” is going to be a challenge. Those who proclaim if they simply don’t eat with them they somehow fulfill the command do not understand the concept of not keeping company. If the wife buys, cooks and sets the table, has all other relations with him as commanded how will not eating make it all ok?
The command to withdraw from EVERY BROTHER will bring into conflict the commands for a husband/wife, the commands for a servant/master, and the 5th commandment reflected in the New Testament for children/parents. Thus we are still confronted with the same dilemma the Pharisees faced. What traditions have we created? Have we told children they don’t need to honor their father and mother? If we follow the Pharisees, we will receive the same condemnation. We must help these Christians with their terrible burdens with mercy and compassion. We can’t set aside either command. But when they come into conflict, we have to allow their boundaries to be moved. How far and in what way must be left to the conscience of the individual Christian facing it. Never forget: mercy triumphs over judgment.
Each spouse of a withdrawn from Christian must walk between the lines of these two mandates. Like it or not, God did not reveal which command is more binding or more important. A wife in submission to her husband might appear to some in the church to be in violation of the command to withdraw. But what except prejudice or human wisdom would allow them to judge and condemn her for keeping the command to be in submission. In her own way and to the best of her ability she strives to keep both commands. How she does it is left to her discretion and not the church. This would be just as true of parents & children and brothers & sisters. We must use mercy!
There is no question that some will abuse this difficult and complicated situation. Some will use withdrawal to completely violate the commands of a husband or wife. Others will use the commands regarding relationships to violate the command for discipline. But since we have no guidance here, we must use mercy and compassion and leave it to God to sort out the motives.
Conclusion. God’s word is perfect. It “is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword” “and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” When commands conflict and overlap, God sees the true intents and thoughts of the heart. We must never forget, “the heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, (Heb. 4:12-13; Jer. 17:9-10). When one command conflicts with another, the heart of the person seeking to fulfill it is being tested. In the same way, the hearts of those who are judging, assessing and advising are also being tested. In both cases, judgment is being judged. If it is not done in mercy, then “judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” (Jas. 2:13).