Introduction. Infants are born self-centered and unable to consider the needs or comfort of others. When hungry, lonely, uncomfortable, sick or in need, their wants can only be made known by crying, and they don’t yet have the ability to think about others. An infant can’t understand the inconveniences they create for their parents when crying at 3:00 am. This is normal and acceptable since infants are unable to communicate or understand. The problems begin when they can.
The transition is subtle and often in the earliest days difficult to see. When it stops being a cry of need and begins to become a cry that asserts their will or seeks dominance, they are entering a new phase of life. One of the definitions of the “terrible two’s” bears this out: “occurring sometime between 18 months and three years old, the terrible twos are associated with increased assertiveness, desire for independence, and frustration.” Once children manifest these things, loving and caring parents must help them to understand and deal with them. They must be taught that such behavior is unacceptable because it will disrupt all future interactions and relationships. As they go to school, play in sports, develop friendships, and later when they get a job or get married these problems will create great heartache for themselves and others.
Among the greatest blessing all parents can give their children is the ability to control these emotions, helping them to replace them with self-control, unselfish care and concern for others, and a desire to serve and be a blessing in every way they can. It is never too early to help children learn humility and submission as the foundation of Jesus’ words; that the greatest in the kingdom of heaven are those who are “last of all” and servant of all.” (Mk. 9:35). Children who are “poor in spirit,” “meek,” “peacemakers,” and “merciful” will not only be greatly blessed, but will also become a great blessing to others. (Mt. 5:1-12).
The transition is subtle and often in the earliest days difficult to see. When it stops being a cry of need and begins to become a cry that asserts their will or seeks dominance, they are entering a new phase of life. One of the definitions of the “terrible two’s” bears this out: “occurring sometime between 18 months and three years old, the terrible twos are associated with increased assertiveness, desire for independence, and frustration.” Once children manifest these things, loving and caring parents must help them to understand and deal with them. They must be taught that such behavior is unacceptable because it will disrupt all future interactions and relationships. As they go to school, play in sports, develop friendships, and later when they get a job or get married these problems will create great heartache for themselves and others.
Among the greatest blessing all parents can give their children is the ability to control these emotions, helping them to replace them with self-control, unselfish care and concern for others, and a desire to serve and be a blessing in every way they can. It is never too early to help children learn humility and submission as the foundation of Jesus’ words; that the greatest in the kingdom of heaven are those who are “last of all” and servant of all.” (Mk. 9:35). Children who are “poor in spirit,” “meek,” “peacemakers,” and “merciful” will not only be greatly blessed, but will also become a great blessing to others. (Mt. 5:1-12).
Parents must help their children learn these things by example, by teaching, and by discipline. Although the goal is easy to see and very desirable to achieve, finding the proper path to get there is difficult. But since it is the foundation upon which all future training will be based, it must be among our highest priorities. It is the heart of both “train up a child in the way he should go” and “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Since it must begin long before we can reason and train with words, we must trust God and follow His guidance. The most important passage for early training is found in God’s warning and advice to parents: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (Pr. 22:6, 15).
What is this foolishness? Although we may not fully understand the full extent of it, it is evident that selfish outbursts, a desire to be above all siblings and even over mother and father in having their desires fulfilled, along with the frustrations of being reigned in are at the heart of it. Watching a child throw a temper tantrum, or screaming and hitting a parent because they can’t have their way is heartbreaking. There is no greater favor parents can give their children than to “drive it far from him.” God’s tool of choice is “the rod of correction.” This is more of a general concept than a specific method. Clearly a literal rod in the case of a toddler would be completely inappropriate. “The rod of correction” is anything that brings the authority of the parent and the submission of the child into view. It can begin with a stern voice that lets them know we do not approve of this behavior. It can also be a tap or light slap on a leg, just strong enough to get their attention.
When the “rod of correction” is used it must be very carefully administered. The line between discipline and abuse must be strictly observed. Young children must be carefully guided with gentle discipline. God has set some clear guidelines to keep all discipline within the boundaries of love, mercy and compassion. First, it must always be righteous, just, and fair. When a child cries out “that’s not fair!” parents need to carefully consider why they feel that way. It may be a false charge that must be carefully explained so the child understands why it was fair. But if it is determined that the discipline was unfair, then godly parents who are truly serving their children will show their own godly sorrow leading to repentance and an apology.
Any discipline we administer must never lead a child to feel they are being provoked. Discipline that leaves a child angry, sullen or discouraged must be carefully explained. They must see that no discipline is administered in anger or frustration, but only out of love and concern. Proper discipline leaves a child contrite and wiser. God makes this very clear in the commands He has given to fathers about how to raise their children. Although this is addressed to fathers, it certainly also applies to mothers.
This is a difficult line to find in the beginning. Sometimes children perceive discipline in the wrong way even though it was administered fairly and in compliance to God’s commands. It is best at those times to simply quote the Scriptures they have violated and explain to them that this is not just a punishment we devised, but one that God commanded to bless and bring them future happiness. There are several passages in the Proverbs that are very helpful when a child becomes angry or bitter as discipline is being administered. Carefully explaining these passages to children will go a long way to keep a child from being provoked or discouraged.
Submitting to authority is always made easier for children when they are convinced that their parents love them and are seeking to help them. Even Jesus used this when He said: “Take My yoke upon you ... for I am meek and lowly and you will find rest for your souls.” Every true Christian who believes this considers all the commands of Jesus (His yoke) as a blessing that makes all the commands reasonable and welcomed. When treated kindly and fairly anyone can enjoy being in submission.
Conclusion. The goal of all parents is to raise their children poised for success in every way - teaching, training, and explaining things through the Scripture to them help walk with God and serve the Lord. Our greatest hope is that when their soul returns to God who gave it, they will be blessed for all eternity.
What is this foolishness? Although we may not fully understand the full extent of it, it is evident that selfish outbursts, a desire to be above all siblings and even over mother and father in having their desires fulfilled, along with the frustrations of being reigned in are at the heart of it. Watching a child throw a temper tantrum, or screaming and hitting a parent because they can’t have their way is heartbreaking. There is no greater favor parents can give their children than to “drive it far from him.” God’s tool of choice is “the rod of correction.” This is more of a general concept than a specific method. Clearly a literal rod in the case of a toddler would be completely inappropriate. “The rod of correction” is anything that brings the authority of the parent and the submission of the child into view. It can begin with a stern voice that lets them know we do not approve of this behavior. It can also be a tap or light slap on a leg, just strong enough to get their attention.
When the “rod of correction” is used it must be very carefully administered. The line between discipline and abuse must be strictly observed. Young children must be carefully guided with gentle discipline. God has set some clear guidelines to keep all discipline within the boundaries of love, mercy and compassion. First, it must always be righteous, just, and fair. When a child cries out “that’s not fair!” parents need to carefully consider why they feel that way. It may be a false charge that must be carefully explained so the child understands why it was fair. But if it is determined that the discipline was unfair, then godly parents who are truly serving their children will show their own godly sorrow leading to repentance and an apology.
Any discipline we administer must never lead a child to feel they are being provoked. Discipline that leaves a child angry, sullen or discouraged must be carefully explained. They must see that no discipline is administered in anger or frustration, but only out of love and concern. Proper discipline leaves a child contrite and wiser. God makes this very clear in the commands He has given to fathers about how to raise their children. Although this is addressed to fathers, it certainly also applies to mothers.
- Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4).
- Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Col. 3:21)
This is a difficult line to find in the beginning. Sometimes children perceive discipline in the wrong way even though it was administered fairly and in compliance to God’s commands. It is best at those times to simply quote the Scriptures they have violated and explain to them that this is not just a punishment we devised, but one that God commanded to bless and bring them future happiness. There are several passages in the Proverbs that are very helpful when a child becomes angry or bitter as discipline is being administered. Carefully explaining these passages to children will go a long way to keep a child from being provoked or discouraged.
- He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (Pr. 13:24).
- Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction. (Pr. 19:18).
- Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. 14 You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol. (Pr. 23:13-14).
- The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother... 17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul. (Pr. 29:15,17).
Submitting to authority is always made easier for children when they are convinced that their parents love them and are seeking to help them. Even Jesus used this when He said: “Take My yoke upon you ... for I am meek and lowly and you will find rest for your souls.” Every true Christian who believes this considers all the commands of Jesus (His yoke) as a blessing that makes all the commands reasonable and welcomed. When treated kindly and fairly anyone can enjoy being in submission.
Conclusion. The goal of all parents is to raise their children poised for success in every way - teaching, training, and explaining things through the Scripture to them help walk with God and serve the Lord. Our greatest hope is that when their soul returns to God who gave it, they will be blessed for all eternity.