Husbands Love Your Wives (part 2) - Dwell According to Knowledge
Introduction. When Jesus entered the world, He characterized it as a place of darkness where ignorance and human wisdom had greatly marred God’s glorious image within us. He came as a light in a dark place (Jn. 1:5; 12:35), because through selfishness and base lusts, man had become a mere shell of what God had intended. While “God made man upright, they sought out many schemes,” (Eccl. 7:29), and these schemes had led man further and further away from happiness and success. Over time, as darkness descended, these schemes became man’s reality and were considered normal, while God’s ways had become increasingly strange and unusual.
This was the state of the world when Jesus came, and for multitudes it is still in that condition today. Yet the light Jesus came to bring continues to shine through Scripture. Those who seek to live as closely as possible to their teachings are walking in the light while those who ignore them to walk in the schemes of men are doomed to remain in the darkness of human wisdom. As Jesus set about putting things in order and setting things back into their proper place, He prepared His apostles to take the light of the gospel out into the darkness of sin and despair. Among these was a need to renovate the inner workings of the family, and especially the husband-wife relationship.
God was fully aware that children would have no choice in their parents. Many who would become Christians would be raised in homes where both parents were living in the darkness. All they would have is “the empty (vain, aimless, futile) manner of life handed down from your fathers.” Just as their native language and culture would be based upon their parents, so also would their understanding of their role as a husband or wife, and as mother and father.
Jesus wanted to give His disciples the opportunity to come out of this darkness and enjoy the sweet success of building a marriage and family in the light of truth. Those who were scarred and damaged by their upbringing could be restored. But in order to accomplish this, those converted to truth would have to quickly rise above the role model of their own parents.
So, God gave them a new role model. Instead of the way our own father and mother acted as husband and wife, God set Jesus and His church as the perfect role model. He commanded wives to submit to their own husband as the church did to Christ and He commanded the husbands to love and care for their wives as Christ did the church. (Eph. 5:21-33). For many, this is a huge shift and, in the beginning appears both out of step and foolish to those who first hear it. Once again, the schemes of men have replaced the truly natural order.
The better we understand these things, the more quickly we can leave the darkness and “vain manner of life” and come into the light of God’s counsel and guidance. For this reason, each Christian must seek as quickly as possible to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind,” to “put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts,” and “put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” (1Pet. 1:18; Rom. 12:2; Eph. 4:22-24). Time is of the essence since the success of a marriage and the proper raising of children depend on these changes.
Once we see how far we may have to go to come back to the light, Peter’s words to the husband become much clearer. No husband can completely rely upon his own father and mother or how the culture handed down from his ancestors views the marriage relationship. There are too many schemes and too much darkness to have the keys to a successful and fulfilling marriage. As the leader in the home, God expected every husband to use a higher and more perfect standard. He must dwell with his wife with the knowledge of Scripture and not the natural responses of the old way of doing things he learned from this world.
husbands, in like manner, dwell with (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life; to the end that your prayers be not hindered.” (1Pet. 3:7)
The quickest path to growth as a Christian occurs when we take the truths taught in Scripture, fully trust its wisdom, and make them part of our daily life. As we become “doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves”, our knowledge first becomes our convictions and later our new ways of doing things. (Jas. 1:22). Thus, each husband must “dwell with” his wife “according to knowledge.” While the way my father treated my mother would be the natural response, it may need to be replaced with the light of the gospel. The more a husband grows as a Christian, the more he must use that knowledge in his relationship with his wife.
The more a husband treats his wife in “proportion to” and “to the measure of” knowledge, the more “light” and the less “schemes of men” will be practiced. What Scripture reveals about all human relationships becomes the standard of how he should dwell with his wife. Thus, as a husband learns to “turn the other cheek and go the second mile” as a Christian, he will bring it into his home. As he learns to “repent” and “confess his sins one to another”, he begins to apologize, confess, and seek forgiveness for all mistreatment. He never “lets the sun go down on your wrath” and always uses Jesus standard: “do unto others as you would have others do unto you” for her. This is the only way a Christian husband can be “transformed by the renewing of your mind,” and leave the schemes of men and darkness of human wisdom behind. The wife must receive the “first fruits” of “the fruit of Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Gal. 5:22-23). As the sacrificial serving of “agape-love” replaces the selfish love handed down from our fathers, the home becomes a place of peace and joy.
The second admonition is: “Giving honor unto the woman, as unto a weaker vessel.” Because of the “schemes of men” many today bristle with outraged pride that a woman could be called a “weaker vessel.” Yet “as” is often used in similes like “sweet as honey,” “smooth as silk” “brave as a lion,” or “busy as a bee.” They are not meant to be taken literally. Scripture does the same with “wise as serpents,” “harmless as doves,” or “faith as a mustard seed.” In each of these only one specific attribute is the point of the comparison, no one is being called a serpent or dove.
What is the specific attribute of a weaker vessel? We give honor to a weaker vessel because it is fragile and needs to be treated with care. A phone or computer is such a weaker vessel since they can’t be dropped or roughly handled. In every other way they are as strong as any vessel we possess. Even a car, which is among our most powerful vessels, is weaker in the sense that it can easily be scratched or dented. Many of our most beautiful and precious things made of crystal, china, or finely carved wood are treated with extra special care. None of them are weaker in the sense of value or function, but only in their need special care. Each husband is to treat his wife “like” or “as” a precious but fragile vessel.
This has nothing to do with her actual position in the eyes of God: “as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life.” Far from a slave or a weaker vessel to dominate and control, she is an equal co-heir with him. God sees no difference between the soul of a husband and that of his wife. The vessel is different, but the soul is the same. With the flesh gone, the souls are equal in every way, and the reward is identical. Though many “schemes of men” “handed down from fathers” have exploited women, Jesus demanded not just equal treatment, but better than equal treatment! A wife is to be treated as a precious and fragile possession and given greater honor and care.
Peter’s final admonition to the husband is a warning that reveals the importance of “dwelling according to knowledge and “honoring her as a weaker vessel.” The warning is clear. A husband who ignores these commands will have his “prayers being hindered.” They are hindered in the sense of being “cut off” or “impeded.” When a godly husband realizes that his response to these commands will affect his prayers to God, they will take the full priority God has given to them here.
Conclusion. Growing as a Christian is “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, and being transformed into the same image from glory to glory.” (2Cor. 3:18). When this glory is reflected in the true church, we will see godly and devout Christians walking humbly with their Lord. When that glory is reflected in the home, we will see a devoted husband using Scripture to guide how he treats his wife, considering her his most precious fragile vessel, to be treated with great care, concern and devotion. Children raised in such a home will be greatly blessed. In the relay of life, such parents will give their children great advantages that will bring success and happiness in their own marriage.
With divorce rates climbing and multitudes choosing to skip marriage and simply live together, the schemes of men are rising and the happiness and success of families is failing. It is time to shine the light of Scripture into our own home and expel any schemes of men. The foundation of the home is the husband-wife relationship. It is the anchor that holds and the tie that binds. When we “trust in the Lord with all our heart and don’t lean upon our own understanding” here, we will be greatly blessed.
This was the state of the world when Jesus came, and for multitudes it is still in that condition today. Yet the light Jesus came to bring continues to shine through Scripture. Those who seek to live as closely as possible to their teachings are walking in the light while those who ignore them to walk in the schemes of men are doomed to remain in the darkness of human wisdom. As Jesus set about putting things in order and setting things back into their proper place, He prepared His apostles to take the light of the gospel out into the darkness of sin and despair. Among these was a need to renovate the inner workings of the family, and especially the husband-wife relationship.
God was fully aware that children would have no choice in their parents. Many who would become Christians would be raised in homes where both parents were living in the darkness. All they would have is “the empty (vain, aimless, futile) manner of life handed down from your fathers.” Just as their native language and culture would be based upon their parents, so also would their understanding of their role as a husband or wife, and as mother and father.
Jesus wanted to give His disciples the opportunity to come out of this darkness and enjoy the sweet success of building a marriage and family in the light of truth. Those who were scarred and damaged by their upbringing could be restored. But in order to accomplish this, those converted to truth would have to quickly rise above the role model of their own parents.
So, God gave them a new role model. Instead of the way our own father and mother acted as husband and wife, God set Jesus and His church as the perfect role model. He commanded wives to submit to their own husband as the church did to Christ and He commanded the husbands to love and care for their wives as Christ did the church. (Eph. 5:21-33). For many, this is a huge shift and, in the beginning appears both out of step and foolish to those who first hear it. Once again, the schemes of men have replaced the truly natural order.
The better we understand these things, the more quickly we can leave the darkness and “vain manner of life” and come into the light of God’s counsel and guidance. For this reason, each Christian must seek as quickly as possible to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind,” to “put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts,” and “put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” (1Pet. 1:18; Rom. 12:2; Eph. 4:22-24). Time is of the essence since the success of a marriage and the proper raising of children depend on these changes.
Once we see how far we may have to go to come back to the light, Peter’s words to the husband become much clearer. No husband can completely rely upon his own father and mother or how the culture handed down from his ancestors views the marriage relationship. There are too many schemes and too much darkness to have the keys to a successful and fulfilling marriage. As the leader in the home, God expected every husband to use a higher and more perfect standard. He must dwell with his wife with the knowledge of Scripture and not the natural responses of the old way of doing things he learned from this world.
husbands, in like manner, dwell with (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life; to the end that your prayers be not hindered.” (1Pet. 3:7)
The quickest path to growth as a Christian occurs when we take the truths taught in Scripture, fully trust its wisdom, and make them part of our daily life. As we become “doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves”, our knowledge first becomes our convictions and later our new ways of doing things. (Jas. 1:22). Thus, each husband must “dwell with” his wife “according to knowledge.” While the way my father treated my mother would be the natural response, it may need to be replaced with the light of the gospel. The more a husband grows as a Christian, the more he must use that knowledge in his relationship with his wife.
The more a husband treats his wife in “proportion to” and “to the measure of” knowledge, the more “light” and the less “schemes of men” will be practiced. What Scripture reveals about all human relationships becomes the standard of how he should dwell with his wife. Thus, as a husband learns to “turn the other cheek and go the second mile” as a Christian, he will bring it into his home. As he learns to “repent” and “confess his sins one to another”, he begins to apologize, confess, and seek forgiveness for all mistreatment. He never “lets the sun go down on your wrath” and always uses Jesus standard: “do unto others as you would have others do unto you” for her. This is the only way a Christian husband can be “transformed by the renewing of your mind,” and leave the schemes of men and darkness of human wisdom behind. The wife must receive the “first fruits” of “the fruit of Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Gal. 5:22-23). As the sacrificial serving of “agape-love” replaces the selfish love handed down from our fathers, the home becomes a place of peace and joy.
The second admonition is: “Giving honor unto the woman, as unto a weaker vessel.” Because of the “schemes of men” many today bristle with outraged pride that a woman could be called a “weaker vessel.” Yet “as” is often used in similes like “sweet as honey,” “smooth as silk” “brave as a lion,” or “busy as a bee.” They are not meant to be taken literally. Scripture does the same with “wise as serpents,” “harmless as doves,” or “faith as a mustard seed.” In each of these only one specific attribute is the point of the comparison, no one is being called a serpent or dove.
What is the specific attribute of a weaker vessel? We give honor to a weaker vessel because it is fragile and needs to be treated with care. A phone or computer is such a weaker vessel since they can’t be dropped or roughly handled. In every other way they are as strong as any vessel we possess. Even a car, which is among our most powerful vessels, is weaker in the sense that it can easily be scratched or dented. Many of our most beautiful and precious things made of crystal, china, or finely carved wood are treated with extra special care. None of them are weaker in the sense of value or function, but only in their need special care. Each husband is to treat his wife “like” or “as” a precious but fragile vessel.
This has nothing to do with her actual position in the eyes of God: “as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life.” Far from a slave or a weaker vessel to dominate and control, she is an equal co-heir with him. God sees no difference between the soul of a husband and that of his wife. The vessel is different, but the soul is the same. With the flesh gone, the souls are equal in every way, and the reward is identical. Though many “schemes of men” “handed down from fathers” have exploited women, Jesus demanded not just equal treatment, but better than equal treatment! A wife is to be treated as a precious and fragile possession and given greater honor and care.
Peter’s final admonition to the husband is a warning that reveals the importance of “dwelling according to knowledge and “honoring her as a weaker vessel.” The warning is clear. A husband who ignores these commands will have his “prayers being hindered.” They are hindered in the sense of being “cut off” or “impeded.” When a godly husband realizes that his response to these commands will affect his prayers to God, they will take the full priority God has given to them here.
Conclusion. Growing as a Christian is “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, and being transformed into the same image from glory to glory.” (2Cor. 3:18). When this glory is reflected in the true church, we will see godly and devout Christians walking humbly with their Lord. When that glory is reflected in the home, we will see a devoted husband using Scripture to guide how he treats his wife, considering her his most precious fragile vessel, to be treated with great care, concern and devotion. Children raised in such a home will be greatly blessed. In the relay of life, such parents will give their children great advantages that will bring success and happiness in their own marriage.
With divorce rates climbing and multitudes choosing to skip marriage and simply live together, the schemes of men are rising and the happiness and success of families is failing. It is time to shine the light of Scripture into our own home and expel any schemes of men. The foundation of the home is the husband-wife relationship. It is the anchor that holds and the tie that binds. When we “trust in the Lord with all our heart and don’t lean upon our own understanding” here, we will be greatly blessed.