Husbands Love Your Wives (part 1)
Introduction. One of the great paradoxes found in Scripture is the expectation that those in positions of authority will use their power for the benefit and service of those they lead. Jesus admitted that in this world this sounds strange and contradictory, but nevertheless it is the truth: “For who is greater, he who sits at the table, or he who serves? Is it not he who sits at the table? Yet I am among you as the One who serves.” (Lk. 22:27). The truth is that Jesus came not only to reveal heaven’s ways to this earth, but to live it among us. Jesus came to show us how those who are leaders can do the will of God on earth as it is done in heaven. Jesus was among us as “the One who serves.” Jesus was given “all authority in heaven and earth,” has “sat down at the right hand of God exalted,” and is the “head over all things to the church which is His body.” Yet, we cannot find a single example while He was living on this earth or even after He returned to heaven where Jesus used His authority for His own selfish ends.
Jesus has never lorded it over His church. Just as He revealed: “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Mt 11:29-30). When we enter His service, He does everything possible to make the obligations (His yoke) placed upon us as easy as possible and the burdens we must bear in His service as light as possible. Since God is agape-love, and this is a love of service and sacrifice for the needs of others, it is not a paradox in heaven for those in positions of authority to use their authority in service of those who are under them. What is seldom seen among men is a natural and normal part of life in heaven.
God sees all leadership roles as the opportunity to serve. When He appointed shepherds to watch over His sheep, He was very indignant when they chose to use that position to enrich themselves and ignore the needs of those He placed them over (Ezek. 34). Jesus, as the good shepherd “gives His life for the sheep.” (Jn 10:11). Though He is “King of kings and Lord of lords,” He still “ever lives to make intercession for us.” This is true leadership as God defines it, and Jesus exemplifies it perfectly. When He washed the disciples’ feet, that is exactly how He concluded the lesson: “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.” (Jn. 13:14-15). There is no position on earth that is higher than His. All Christians must learn to see any role of authority they have been given as a position of service to those whom they are leading.
Once we understand this, we are prepared to think in a logical and spiritual manner. Each of us can then “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Rom 12:2). As Paul prepared to address the respective roles in the home and workplace, he prefaced it with: “submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.” Even though he knew he was going to talk to both leaders and those whom they were leading, he wanted it clearly understood that both the leaders and the led are all roles of submission. Regardless of our role, out of fear, respect and reverence to Christ we will use it to bless, benefit and help those entrusted to us. As the Spirit moved from relationship to relationship, He explained how each position was to submit to the other: “wives to your own husband, husbands love your wives, children obey your parents, fathers don’t provoke your children, slaves be obedient, masters do the same to them.” (Eph 5:21-33; 6:1-9). Whether we find ourselves in a position of service or of leadership makes no difference. We are all servants one of another, just as Jesus was.
This is a sobering truth for all disciples who are leaders. Whether husband, parent or master/employer, God sees us exactly as He does His Son. We are leaders appointed to serve and be a blessing to those we lead. Thus, when we read that “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church,” we must see it in the context of service, not lordship. It is not a position of power, but of responsibility and obligation. God did not give the husband authority to “lord it over,” “take dominion” or enslave his wife, forcing her to do his will and bidding. God gave the man the role of husband to bless, protect and enhance the life of his wife.
All of this was summed up by Paul: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Eph. 5:25). If we consider the magnitude of this love, every husband should tremble at the weight of responsibility that has been placed on their shoulder by God. This is not human love that God is commanding it is agape-love. If all we see is human love, it loosens the command far more than the Holy Spirit intended.
This is the same divine agape-love that led Jesus to “give Himself for her.” This is the divine standard of service God has given to each husband. The position of husband requires the same sacrifices for their own wife as Jesus gave for His church. The “mind of Christ” is here specifically applied to the role which the husband has been given as a stewardship. Jesus “gave Himself for her” even before He left heaven. In heaven, “He existed in the form of God.” But out of care and concern for His church, “He emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant.” When the greatest sacrifice of all was required of Him, He “humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death.”
This is the divine standard of love and service God has given to each husband. Just as Jesus gave up all the benefits of His power and then gave up His life to serve his wife, each husband must follow Him. Once a man is joined to a woman and becomes one flesh with her, he too must now empty himself. He is no longer in control of his time or money. Just as Jesus did, everything he possesses is now to be used in his role of serving his wife for the rest of his life. From that day forward, no husband can “look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of” his wife. Every husband must regard his wife as “more important than” himself. (Phil. 2:1-11). What is expected of all Christians must certainly be carried by a husband into his marriage. Every husband has been made “the head of the wife as Christ the head of the church” for this very purpose.” This is not a position of dominion where the husband gains a slave he can lord over and command. It is a position of service where he must sacrifice and become a servant for his wife. Thus, in a home where Christ is Lord, the wife is to submit to her husband in everything, but that husband must never demand anything that is not in her best interest.
For those who think this is being taken too far, the Holy Spirit gave another example. “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.” This is a simple example that is easy to understand. Everything that a husband does for his own comfort and success is now transferred to his wife. All that he does out of care and concern for his own well-being and enjoyment must now be placed in the context of his wife. She must become as important to him as his own body and he must cherish her as much as his own body.
Each of us were born with absolute authority over our own body. We lead and command every member in our body to do our will. But how do we lead our own body? The Spirit gives this answer: “no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.” Everyone knows that the length of their life, the comfort and strength we have each day, and our health and welfare is all based on how we rule our body. We are careful what we eat, how we exercise and how hard we push ourselves. Once a man is married, all that he has learned to do in reference to his own body is now equally applied to his wife. Since they become one flesh, each husband must be as aware of the needs of his wife as he is his own needs. He must never sacrifice her needs in order to fulfill his own.
Conclusion. All devout and godly husbands nourish and cherish their wives exactly as Jesus does the church. Each one knows how to nourish and cherish his own body, so it is not too difficult to understand what God’s expectations are for a husband to cherish his wife to the same degree. He must care and have concern as much for her well-being and comfort as he does his own. Although it is not difficult to understand what God expects of us by looking at how Jesus sacrificed Himself and His needs for the church, it will be very difficult for each husband to live up to this standard. In part 2, we will look at the Holy Spirit’s words through Peter. He takes all that Paul has said here and builds upon it, giving even more examples of what each husband must do in order to become what God intended when He created us male and female, in His own image and likeness.
Jesus has never lorded it over His church. Just as He revealed: “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Mt 11:29-30). When we enter His service, He does everything possible to make the obligations (His yoke) placed upon us as easy as possible and the burdens we must bear in His service as light as possible. Since God is agape-love, and this is a love of service and sacrifice for the needs of others, it is not a paradox in heaven for those in positions of authority to use their authority in service of those who are under them. What is seldom seen among men is a natural and normal part of life in heaven.
God sees all leadership roles as the opportunity to serve. When He appointed shepherds to watch over His sheep, He was very indignant when they chose to use that position to enrich themselves and ignore the needs of those He placed them over (Ezek. 34). Jesus, as the good shepherd “gives His life for the sheep.” (Jn 10:11). Though He is “King of kings and Lord of lords,” He still “ever lives to make intercession for us.” This is true leadership as God defines it, and Jesus exemplifies it perfectly. When He washed the disciples’ feet, that is exactly how He concluded the lesson: “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.” (Jn. 13:14-15). There is no position on earth that is higher than His. All Christians must learn to see any role of authority they have been given as a position of service to those whom they are leading.
Once we understand this, we are prepared to think in a logical and spiritual manner. Each of us can then “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Rom 12:2). As Paul prepared to address the respective roles in the home and workplace, he prefaced it with: “submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.” Even though he knew he was going to talk to both leaders and those whom they were leading, he wanted it clearly understood that both the leaders and the led are all roles of submission. Regardless of our role, out of fear, respect and reverence to Christ we will use it to bless, benefit and help those entrusted to us. As the Spirit moved from relationship to relationship, He explained how each position was to submit to the other: “wives to your own husband, husbands love your wives, children obey your parents, fathers don’t provoke your children, slaves be obedient, masters do the same to them.” (Eph 5:21-33; 6:1-9). Whether we find ourselves in a position of service or of leadership makes no difference. We are all servants one of another, just as Jesus was.
This is a sobering truth for all disciples who are leaders. Whether husband, parent or master/employer, God sees us exactly as He does His Son. We are leaders appointed to serve and be a blessing to those we lead. Thus, when we read that “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church,” we must see it in the context of service, not lordship. It is not a position of power, but of responsibility and obligation. God did not give the husband authority to “lord it over,” “take dominion” or enslave his wife, forcing her to do his will and bidding. God gave the man the role of husband to bless, protect and enhance the life of his wife.
All of this was summed up by Paul: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Eph. 5:25). If we consider the magnitude of this love, every husband should tremble at the weight of responsibility that has been placed on their shoulder by God. This is not human love that God is commanding it is agape-love. If all we see is human love, it loosens the command far more than the Holy Spirit intended.
This is the same divine agape-love that led Jesus to “give Himself for her.” This is the divine standard of service God has given to each husband. The position of husband requires the same sacrifices for their own wife as Jesus gave for His church. The “mind of Christ” is here specifically applied to the role which the husband has been given as a stewardship. Jesus “gave Himself for her” even before He left heaven. In heaven, “He existed in the form of God.” But out of care and concern for His church, “He emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant.” When the greatest sacrifice of all was required of Him, He “humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death.”
This is the divine standard of love and service God has given to each husband. Just as Jesus gave up all the benefits of His power and then gave up His life to serve his wife, each husband must follow Him. Once a man is joined to a woman and becomes one flesh with her, he too must now empty himself. He is no longer in control of his time or money. Just as Jesus did, everything he possesses is now to be used in his role of serving his wife for the rest of his life. From that day forward, no husband can “look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of” his wife. Every husband must regard his wife as “more important than” himself. (Phil. 2:1-11). What is expected of all Christians must certainly be carried by a husband into his marriage. Every husband has been made “the head of the wife as Christ the head of the church” for this very purpose.” This is not a position of dominion where the husband gains a slave he can lord over and command. It is a position of service where he must sacrifice and become a servant for his wife. Thus, in a home where Christ is Lord, the wife is to submit to her husband in everything, but that husband must never demand anything that is not in her best interest.
For those who think this is being taken too far, the Holy Spirit gave another example. “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.” This is a simple example that is easy to understand. Everything that a husband does for his own comfort and success is now transferred to his wife. All that he does out of care and concern for his own well-being and enjoyment must now be placed in the context of his wife. She must become as important to him as his own body and he must cherish her as much as his own body.
Each of us were born with absolute authority over our own body. We lead and command every member in our body to do our will. But how do we lead our own body? The Spirit gives this answer: “no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.” Everyone knows that the length of their life, the comfort and strength we have each day, and our health and welfare is all based on how we rule our body. We are careful what we eat, how we exercise and how hard we push ourselves. Once a man is married, all that he has learned to do in reference to his own body is now equally applied to his wife. Since they become one flesh, each husband must be as aware of the needs of his wife as he is his own needs. He must never sacrifice her needs in order to fulfill his own.
Conclusion. All devout and godly husbands nourish and cherish their wives exactly as Jesus does the church. Each one knows how to nourish and cherish his own body, so it is not too difficult to understand what God’s expectations are for a husband to cherish his wife to the same degree. He must care and have concern as much for her well-being and comfort as he does his own. Although it is not difficult to understand what God expects of us by looking at how Jesus sacrificed Himself and His needs for the church, it will be very difficult for each husband to live up to this standard. In part 2, we will look at the Holy Spirit’s words through Peter. He takes all that Paul has said here and builds upon it, giving even more examples of what each husband must do in order to become what God intended when He created us male and female, in His own image and likeness.