Whoever Desires to Be Great (part 6) - Husband and Wife Relationship
Introduction. When Jesus told His disciples that “the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” would be the one who was “last of all and servant of all,” He was speaking, not only of worth and value, but also of usefulness and function. Disciples who are the greatest servants are the most useful for the Master. The deeper our commitment to serve the more useful we can become. While this initially sounds like we are shorting ourselves of all the things we might have desired, the truth is exactly the opposite. When Jesus said: “it is more blessed to give than to receive,” He was revealing the added blessing that those who give the most are the most content and happy.
As we bring our service to God and His Christ from the church into our homes, even greater blessings are gained. Husbands and wives who seek to fulfill the words of Paul in their homes as they do in their walk with Christ will find joy, peace and happiness: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:3-4). When a husband and wife set aside selfish desires to be first and look upon the needs of their spouse as more important than their own, they becoming ever greater in the kingdom of God. When each wife sees her husband’s interests as more important than hers and each husband sees the needs and interests of his wife as more important than his, great blessings open to them.
The potential for happiness in our marriage is far greater than any other realm. God has revealed that while we live “under the sun” nothing has greater potential for joy and contentment.
After reading this passage a few times, it is evident that God revealed a profound message that those who ignore it will lose. The greatest happiness and contentment available to man is within marriage. As our life draws to an end, our hobbies, projects, and entertainment will finally be revealed for what they were: distractions bringing minimal return. The greatest returns, leading to true satisfaction and exhilaration (our portion in life) are found in the effort we put into our marriage. True servants in marriage find things the selfish, rude and inconsiderate will never find.
If we do not yet see why God could say this, we need to understand His intent in creating marriage. The crowning moment of the material creation, occurred when God made us in His image and after His likeness and gave us complete dominion, putting all things under our feet (Gen. 1:26-31; Ps. 8:6). But the time Adam spent alone in the garden, naming all the animals, and seeing the amazing creation God had given him, revealed to him that alone, he was incomplete.
The greatness God envisioned for man could not be achieved alone. God showed him until he could clearly see: “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Gen. 2:19-24). God made Adam first to make this obvious to him. All the things God had made and all the majesty he had created within Adam to challenge him and give him joy would have been empty without Eve.
Many things can only be enjoyed when they are shared. None of the animals, fish, or birds, and certainly none of the things God left for man to subdue and take dominion could bring him real joy and a sense of accomplishment without Eve by his side to share it with. God let him see all these things and after he was fully aware, Adam was put into a deep sleep.
When Adam awoke and saw what God had done, he said: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man. For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:23-24). The verse in Ecclesiastes is simply a further description of exactly what God had done and what He intended when He did it. With Eve, Adam was complete, fully prepared to enjoy everything else life could bring, as was Eve with Adam by her side. Every challenge, every achievement, all joy and happiness could reach its full measure in the company of one another.
Many proverbs express this truth, adding other facets to it. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” (Pr. 12:44). “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Pr. 18:22). “A prudent wife is from the LORD.” (Pr. 19:14). “An excellent wife who can find? For her worth is far above rubies.” (Pr. 31:10). “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.” (Pr. 31:28-29). The potential of marriage is to: “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.” (Pr. 5:18).
In marriage we share our joys and accomplishments and receive praise and respect from one another. No one and nothing can replace the wholesome sense of esteem and comfort gained in a good marriage. From this foundation all the rewards of life will come; not only for the couple, but also for their children, other family members, co-workers, brethren and fellow citizens.
As goes the husband/wife relationship so goes the family, church, job and nation. With all as it should be everything is enhanced and made better. This was God’s plan and when we put all our efforts into it we are on the course that will lead to our greatest happiness and contentment.
Like all great masterpieces, a good marriage requires both genius and hard work. Fortunately for all of us, God has supplied the genius. He created us in His image and after His likeness. He created us male and female and gave us the power to become one flesh with the one we love. Because of God’s wisdom, each marriage is a potential masterpiece of function and elegance. It can bring joy and security to husband and wife and contribute great blessings to their children. Since we all have this power from God, the deciding factor will always be our own efforts.
Most of us learn within the first few months of marriage that if we are to make it a beautiful work of art, we are going to need a lot of help. The selfishness of sin dooms a marriage to mediocrity or even the bitter sorrow and treachery of a divorce. Human wisdom has rushed in with self-help and how-to marriage manuals. But as with other consequences of sin, only God truly understands the problems and how to resolve them.
God’s wisdom for marriage as revealed in Scripture falls into two broad categories of “loving” and “serving.” But this is service and love as God created them, not as man has twisted them. Human wisdom makes service one sided and love the selfish enjoyment of pleasure.
God sweeps all this aside by placing it into the context of Jesus and the plan of salvation. The service necessary to make marriage a pleasure is the same service the church gives to Jesus Christ. The love which God created to share in marriage is the same sacrificial love Jesus gave the church. A husband learns to love and sacrifice himself for his wife as Jesus did for the church and a wife learns to respect and serve her husband as the church does Christ (Eph. 5:21-33). We don’t have to learn anything new! We simply have to make our marriage exactly like the church. The same “manifold wisdom of God” revealed in the church (Eph. 3:9-10) will also be in our marriage.
When we say “I love you” this must be what we mean! “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.” (ESV) (1Cor. 13:4-8).
This is love as we felt it when God created us in His image and after His likeness. It is the love Adam felt when he awoke and saw Eve. Think what this could do for our marriage. If we could always be “patient and kind,” were never “rude” and never “insisted on” getting our “own way” it would greatly enhance our relationship! If we never allowed ourselves to be “irritable or resentful” there would be more tenderness. If we could always depend on each other that until death do us part, we could always “bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things.” Would we feel more secure? Any marriage would be well on its way to becoming a masterpiece if we meant all of this every time we say “I love you.”
Conclusion. When we bring this love and service into our marriage it has the potential to become a masterpiece. The sacrifices to make this possible will be nothing when compared to the blessings that such a marriage will bring - not only to us, but to our children, our grandchildren and our brethren.
As we bring our service to God and His Christ from the church into our homes, even greater blessings are gained. Husbands and wives who seek to fulfill the words of Paul in their homes as they do in their walk with Christ will find joy, peace and happiness: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:3-4). When a husband and wife set aside selfish desires to be first and look upon the needs of their spouse as more important than their own, they becoming ever greater in the kingdom of God. When each wife sees her husband’s interests as more important than hers and each husband sees the needs and interests of his wife as more important than his, great blessings open to them.
The potential for happiness in our marriage is far greater than any other realm. God has revealed that while we live “under the sun” nothing has greater potential for joy and contentment.
- Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. (Eccl 9:9)
After reading this passage a few times, it is evident that God revealed a profound message that those who ignore it will lose. The greatest happiness and contentment available to man is within marriage. As our life draws to an end, our hobbies, projects, and entertainment will finally be revealed for what they were: distractions bringing minimal return. The greatest returns, leading to true satisfaction and exhilaration (our portion in life) are found in the effort we put into our marriage. True servants in marriage find things the selfish, rude and inconsiderate will never find.
If we do not yet see why God could say this, we need to understand His intent in creating marriage. The crowning moment of the material creation, occurred when God made us in His image and after His likeness and gave us complete dominion, putting all things under our feet (Gen. 1:26-31; Ps. 8:6). But the time Adam spent alone in the garden, naming all the animals, and seeing the amazing creation God had given him, revealed to him that alone, he was incomplete.
The greatness God envisioned for man could not be achieved alone. God showed him until he could clearly see: “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Gen. 2:19-24). God made Adam first to make this obvious to him. All the things God had made and all the majesty he had created within Adam to challenge him and give him joy would have been empty without Eve.
Many things can only be enjoyed when they are shared. None of the animals, fish, or birds, and certainly none of the things God left for man to subdue and take dominion could bring him real joy and a sense of accomplishment without Eve by his side to share it with. God let him see all these things and after he was fully aware, Adam was put into a deep sleep.
When Adam awoke and saw what God had done, he said: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man. For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:23-24). The verse in Ecclesiastes is simply a further description of exactly what God had done and what He intended when He did it. With Eve, Adam was complete, fully prepared to enjoy everything else life could bring, as was Eve with Adam by her side. Every challenge, every achievement, all joy and happiness could reach its full measure in the company of one another.
Many proverbs express this truth, adding other facets to it. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” (Pr. 12:44). “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Pr. 18:22). “A prudent wife is from the LORD.” (Pr. 19:14). “An excellent wife who can find? For her worth is far above rubies.” (Pr. 31:10). “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.” (Pr. 31:28-29). The potential of marriage is to: “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.” (Pr. 5:18).
In marriage we share our joys and accomplishments and receive praise and respect from one another. No one and nothing can replace the wholesome sense of esteem and comfort gained in a good marriage. From this foundation all the rewards of life will come; not only for the couple, but also for their children, other family members, co-workers, brethren and fellow citizens.
As goes the husband/wife relationship so goes the family, church, job and nation. With all as it should be everything is enhanced and made better. This was God’s plan and when we put all our efforts into it we are on the course that will lead to our greatest happiness and contentment.
Like all great masterpieces, a good marriage requires both genius and hard work. Fortunately for all of us, God has supplied the genius. He created us in His image and after His likeness. He created us male and female and gave us the power to become one flesh with the one we love. Because of God’s wisdom, each marriage is a potential masterpiece of function and elegance. It can bring joy and security to husband and wife and contribute great blessings to their children. Since we all have this power from God, the deciding factor will always be our own efforts.
Most of us learn within the first few months of marriage that if we are to make it a beautiful work of art, we are going to need a lot of help. The selfishness of sin dooms a marriage to mediocrity or even the bitter sorrow and treachery of a divorce. Human wisdom has rushed in with self-help and how-to marriage manuals. But as with other consequences of sin, only God truly understands the problems and how to resolve them.
God’s wisdom for marriage as revealed in Scripture falls into two broad categories of “loving” and “serving.” But this is service and love as God created them, not as man has twisted them. Human wisdom makes service one sided and love the selfish enjoyment of pleasure.
God sweeps all this aside by placing it into the context of Jesus and the plan of salvation. The service necessary to make marriage a pleasure is the same service the church gives to Jesus Christ. The love which God created to share in marriage is the same sacrificial love Jesus gave the church. A husband learns to love and sacrifice himself for his wife as Jesus did for the church and a wife learns to respect and serve her husband as the church does Christ (Eph. 5:21-33). We don’t have to learn anything new! We simply have to make our marriage exactly like the church. The same “manifold wisdom of God” revealed in the church (Eph. 3:9-10) will also be in our marriage.
When we say “I love you” this must be what we mean! “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.” (ESV) (1Cor. 13:4-8).
This is love as we felt it when God created us in His image and after His likeness. It is the love Adam felt when he awoke and saw Eve. Think what this could do for our marriage. If we could always be “patient and kind,” were never “rude” and never “insisted on” getting our “own way” it would greatly enhance our relationship! If we never allowed ourselves to be “irritable or resentful” there would be more tenderness. If we could always depend on each other that until death do us part, we could always “bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things.” Would we feel more secure? Any marriage would be well on its way to becoming a masterpiece if we meant all of this every time we say “I love you.”
Conclusion. When we bring this love and service into our marriage it has the potential to become a masterpiece. The sacrifices to make this possible will be nothing when compared to the blessings that such a marriage will bring - not only to us, but to our children, our grandchildren and our brethren.