Should I marry my pregnant girlfriend?

Introduction. When it comes to sexual morality, our modern American society is marked by an increasing emphasis on personal pleasure and a decreasing emphasis on personal responsibility. "If it feels good, do it" or "everybody is entitled to do their own thing" seems to be the thinking of many. "Casual sex", "hook ups", and "one night stands" are quite common. An increasing number of couples interested in a longer term relationship often cohabit or "live together". Even people with good sexual morals often succumb to sexual temptations while in a serious dating relationship. Too often, a pregnancy is the result. According to the Centers for Disease Control, there were over 1.6 million births to unmarried women in 2010. That is in addition to the more than 750,000 abortions in the same time period.

What does the Bible have to say about personal responsibility in such situations?

Misguided responsibility. First, let's look at some of the false or misguided claims of responsibility encountered today:

"I'm responsible because I practice safe sex." ... "My girlfriend is responsible for birth control."
"You can get an abortion. I'll help pay for it."
"My parents can raise my child." ... "The government will support me via welfare and food stamps."
"I wouldn't help myself because ... I was drunk at the time ... she was too pretty ... everyone else was doing it ... I was seduced ... I wanted to show my love for her."
"My church never taught against it."

Unfortunately, many of these attitudes fail to acknowledge basic Bible principles. These include offering our bodies as "living sacrifices" to God (Rom. 12:1-2), the dangers of alcohol (1 Peter 5:8; 1 Thess. 5:6-8; Prov. 23:29-35), the sin of sexual intercourse outside of marriage ("fornication" KJV I Cor. 7: 1-2; Heb. 13: 4, Gen. 2: 24), and the sin of murdering one's unborn child via abortion (Ex. 21: 22-25).

Equally unfortunate, too many religious groups fail to teach these basic Bible principles. As an article in a local newspaper reported back in 2002:

"Some church leaders have fallen silent on this issue because they no longer believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin. Their silence is understandable." (See I Corinthians 7: 2-5.)
"The Marriage Savers network is active in 163 cities and towns in 39 states and, wherever he travels to speak, McManus said he never sees more than one or two hands raised when he asks, 'How many of you have ever heard a sermon on cohabitation?' McManus is convinced most pastors simply do not know that 5 million unmarried Americans - 60 percent of all couples - are living together."

Personal Responsibility in the Old Testament. Let's start by laying some groundwork as seen in the Old Testament.

Exodus 22:16-17 "16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. 17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins".
Deut. 22:28-29 "28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed , and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found ; 29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."

The Law of Moses required personal responsibility beginning at the point of fornication, even when pregnancy was not the result. Such should not be surprising given the emphasis in the Old Testament on the value of virginity and the sin of sexual immorality (to the point of imposing capital punishment).

Personal Responsibility in the New Testament. The general principle of personal responsibility continues into the New Testament which is binding on all people today. Carefully consider the following.

Luke 11:11-13 "11 If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father , will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? 12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him? "
Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath : but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
1 Timothy 5:8 "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
Titus 2:4 "That they may teach the young women to be sober , to love their husbands, to love their children,"
Heb. 12:7-9 "7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards [illegitimate children NAS] and not sons. 9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence : shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live ?"

These passages clearly teach personal responsibility for one's children as well as the disadvantage of growing up without the discipline of loving parents. But stop to consider whether you can fully be a role model for your child and raise him/her in the admonition of the Lord without demonstrating the importance of marriage and how to be a faithful husband or wife (Eph. 5:22 thru 6: 4)? Can you fully discharge your God-given responsibility by walking away from the mother or father of your child, letting the state or grandparents shoulder the burden of parenting, or just pay money for child support?

Many single parent families exist due to circumstances beyond their control, including the death of a spouse, divorce, and abandonment. Our hearts go out to single parents that struggle to raise a child in such a challenging situation. The focus of this article is on those who voluntarily choose to walk away from their personal responsibility.

Practical Matters. Admittedly, there may be circumstances when such personal responsibility cannot be fully exercised by getting married. For example, pregnancy resulting from adultery, incest, rape, and under-age sex come to mind. Based on Jesus' teaching in Matt. 5:32 & 19:9, a divorced person may not have the scriptural right to marry. The other parent may refuse to get married. And there may be circumstances when adoption might be warranted.

But contrast these situations with those where excuses are offered when walking away from one's personal responsibility.

"But what about my schooling or career?"
"But we really don't have that much in common."
"But I'm not ready for marriage."
"But I've got more important things do to than raise a child."

Conclusion. Remember that many young couples just starting out do not have lots of money, they need more education, and/or they possess a relative degree of immaturity. The real question is what's best for your child? Ideally, it is a home with a loving father & mother that daily demonstrate God's will in their lives by being faithful parents and spouses!

As parents, we need to teach our children early in life about the sinfulness of fornication and how the sex act is limited to marriage. We need to teach them to accept the consequences of their action and be concerned for others rather than themselves! And professing Christians, elders, and preachers must return to the basic moral principles taught and commanded by God through the Bible.