Wives be Submissive to Your Own Husbands
Introduction. Even with everything Jesus has said about the importance of serving in His kingdom, this title will generate some controversy and unbelief. While Jesus revealed that all who “desire to be great among you,” or “be first,” “shall be last of all,” “servant of all” and “slave of all” (Mk. 9:35; 10:42-44), such words are strongly condemned and rejected when applied to wives. Though Jesus offered this clear path to honor and greatness, it can’t be denied that it is part of the “difficult way” and “narrow path” in our generation. Jesus sealed these truths with His own life and said “a servant is not greater than His Master.” Whether male or female, husband or wife, we must follow Him. From the moment Jesus chose to leave heaven until He returned, He was as submissive as He has taught us to become. He left far more when “existing in the form of God” and willingly “emptied Himself” to become our “servant” than any wife would ever be called upon to do. Hence, wives are not being singled out in being submissive; they are being added in to also become great.
Jesus’ command to be submissive applies to all relationships. While many women today are very sensitive to this command, they must clear their minds of human wisdom and assess the command in the context of Scripture. Because “rulers of Gentiles lord it over them, and the great exercise authority over them,” (Mt. 20:25-28), there has been a backlash against all submission. Many people today feel anger over the demeaning way man can treat their fellow man. Yet abuses must not be allowed to cloud the truth: “whoever desires to become great, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave — just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” The stigma of a “serving” wife must be overcome by remembering that Jesus came to serve and give His life. “Wives, in like manner be submissive to your own husbands,” is the same path to greatness Jesus’ walked.
Because the Holy Spirit said, “in like manner,” it is evident that there must be an important reason why “wives submit to your own husbands.” The subject of submission covers 2:11-3:17. After revealing that God called us out of darkness and made us His people, Peter begged us “as aliens and strangers” to “abstain from fleshly lusts that war against the soul” and “have your conduct honorable among the Gentiles.” (1Pet. 2:11-12). There are many areas where our new walk will be out of step with those in darkness. That is why we must “walk by faith and not by sight.”
As children of light, the influence of light can overcome darkness. The conduct God wants His children to display must be honorable as He defines it. Because “our citizenship is in heaven,” our laws and customs also come from heaven (Phil. 3:20). Since “all that is in the world — lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life — is not of the Father but is of the world,” we must abstain from them. (1Jn. 2:16). Thus wives, “in like manner” are “abstaining from fleshly lusts which war against the soul” when they are in “submission to their own husbands.” Any struggle to fulfill this command is therefore rooted either in the pride of life or some other fleshly lust.
There is a mighty power in this submission. Just as Jesus’ submission brought multitudes closer to God, a wife’s sincere submission can bring her husband closer: “Even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” This is the real greatness of serving. Each godly wife setting aside worldly lusts to reach this level of submission, will have a great influence. But it must come from the heart as a genuine purity (chasteness) creating and sustaining this reverence. It is a sincere and real submission, not an act. This becomes evident when the Holy Spirit revealed that while the husband is seeing the conduct and attitude, God is watching “the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
This is the core of the passage and the essence of submission. It is within “the hidden person of the heart” that these things exist and come forth. Long before a husband detects it, God is seeing it. A woman with a “gentle and quiet spirit” is not just “precious,” but “very precious!” Her beauty is now “imperishable” and thus eternal! A beauty first seen by God and then, as it begins to influence her decisions and conduct, her husband will see and be influenced by it.
What an amazing difference in perspective! What the world sees as demeaning, God sees as imperishable beauty. As the world scorns, mocks and calls it despicable, God says it is “very precious in His sight.” In this way, as she becomes more and more “a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.” (2Tim. 2:21), God is very pleased.
A “gentle and quiet spirit” is the greatest adornment any woman can seek. It is priceless, exquisite, and eternal, and available by following Christ’s example. When God sees a woman seeking the gentle, calm and soothing response of full submission to her husband, He is very pleased. This becomes a complete renovation from worldly lusts of pride and selfishness to the restoration of the true divine image and nature. It is a spiritual metamorphosis more stunning than any butterfly has ever become. As her inner being is being developed, her husband sees her pure reverence and respect coming from a sincere heart and is deeply moved. The true light seen in the image and likeness of God, the beauty of the true femininity of a calm, soothing and controlled spirit is very precious.
From generation to generation, God has sought these things. They are the true characteristics of holiness in every woman: “In this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.” We must remember these were not Peter’s words, but the Holy Spirit speaking through Peter. Every holy woman who truly trusts in what God has revealed will seek this meek and quiet spirit because she wants to be holy (sanctified and set apart) for God. These holy women, since the beginning of creation, have become beautiful by adorning themselves in this way. God wants all women to have this honor and encourages them to seek it.
This is the “excellent wife” “whose worth is far above rubies.” “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” Truly, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Pr. 31:10-31). All devout and holy women who “trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean upon your own understanding” will seek to do these things. They are only scorned by the world because the world is in darkness.
Sarah is also one of these women. She too possessed this gentle and quiet spirit. Her conduct was honorable “as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” (Gen. 18:12). Today, by following her example: “you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” The darkness of this world seeks to crush this out of a woman’s heart. Take courage! Stand strong! Endure persecution! The rewards are too great to lose because of the world’s disdain.
Conclusion. God’s final act of creation was the home and the family. It was His answer to our deepest needs. A home can be a beautiful place of serenity, peace and joy when a husband fully embraces his role to lead and sacrifice for his wife as Christ did the church and a wife embraces her role of submitting to him as the church does to Christ. In this way, the beautiful light of God’s great masterpiece of marriage will again be seen in a world filled with darkness.
Jesus’ command to be submissive applies to all relationships. While many women today are very sensitive to this command, they must clear their minds of human wisdom and assess the command in the context of Scripture. Because “rulers of Gentiles lord it over them, and the great exercise authority over them,” (Mt. 20:25-28), there has been a backlash against all submission. Many people today feel anger over the demeaning way man can treat their fellow man. Yet abuses must not be allowed to cloud the truth: “whoever desires to become great, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave — just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” The stigma of a “serving” wife must be overcome by remembering that Jesus came to serve and give His life. “Wives, in like manner be submissive to your own husbands,” is the same path to greatness Jesus’ walked.
Because the Holy Spirit said, “in like manner,” it is evident that there must be an important reason why “wives submit to your own husbands.” The subject of submission covers 2:11-3:17. After revealing that God called us out of darkness and made us His people, Peter begged us “as aliens and strangers” to “abstain from fleshly lusts that war against the soul” and “have your conduct honorable among the Gentiles.” (1Pet. 2:11-12). There are many areas where our new walk will be out of step with those in darkness. That is why we must “walk by faith and not by sight.”
As children of light, the influence of light can overcome darkness. The conduct God wants His children to display must be honorable as He defines it. Because “our citizenship is in heaven,” our laws and customs also come from heaven (Phil. 3:20). Since “all that is in the world — lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life — is not of the Father but is of the world,” we must abstain from them. (1Jn. 2:16). Thus wives, “in like manner” are “abstaining from fleshly lusts which war against the soul” when they are in “submission to their own husbands.” Any struggle to fulfill this command is therefore rooted either in the pride of life or some other fleshly lust.
There is a mighty power in this submission. Just as Jesus’ submission brought multitudes closer to God, a wife’s sincere submission can bring her husband closer: “Even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” This is the real greatness of serving. Each godly wife setting aside worldly lusts to reach this level of submission, will have a great influence. But it must come from the heart as a genuine purity (chasteness) creating and sustaining this reverence. It is a sincere and real submission, not an act. This becomes evident when the Holy Spirit revealed that while the husband is seeing the conduct and attitude, God is watching “the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
This is the core of the passage and the essence of submission. It is within “the hidden person of the heart” that these things exist and come forth. Long before a husband detects it, God is seeing it. A woman with a “gentle and quiet spirit” is not just “precious,” but “very precious!” Her beauty is now “imperishable” and thus eternal! A beauty first seen by God and then, as it begins to influence her decisions and conduct, her husband will see and be influenced by it.
What an amazing difference in perspective! What the world sees as demeaning, God sees as imperishable beauty. As the world scorns, mocks and calls it despicable, God says it is “very precious in His sight.” In this way, as she becomes more and more “a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.” (2Tim. 2:21), God is very pleased.
A “gentle and quiet spirit” is the greatest adornment any woman can seek. It is priceless, exquisite, and eternal, and available by following Christ’s example. When God sees a woman seeking the gentle, calm and soothing response of full submission to her husband, He is very pleased. This becomes a complete renovation from worldly lusts of pride and selfishness to the restoration of the true divine image and nature. It is a spiritual metamorphosis more stunning than any butterfly has ever become. As her inner being is being developed, her husband sees her pure reverence and respect coming from a sincere heart and is deeply moved. The true light seen in the image and likeness of God, the beauty of the true femininity of a calm, soothing and controlled spirit is very precious.
From generation to generation, God has sought these things. They are the true characteristics of holiness in every woman: “In this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.” We must remember these were not Peter’s words, but the Holy Spirit speaking through Peter. Every holy woman who truly trusts in what God has revealed will seek this meek and quiet spirit because she wants to be holy (sanctified and set apart) for God. These holy women, since the beginning of creation, have become beautiful by adorning themselves in this way. God wants all women to have this honor and encourages them to seek it.
This is the “excellent wife” “whose worth is far above rubies.” “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” Truly, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Pr. 31:10-31). All devout and holy women who “trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean upon your own understanding” will seek to do these things. They are only scorned by the world because the world is in darkness.
Sarah is also one of these women. She too possessed this gentle and quiet spirit. Her conduct was honorable “as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” (Gen. 18:12). Today, by following her example: “you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” The darkness of this world seeks to crush this out of a woman’s heart. Take courage! Stand strong! Endure persecution! The rewards are too great to lose because of the world’s disdain.
Conclusion. God’s final act of creation was the home and the family. It was His answer to our deepest needs. A home can be a beautiful place of serenity, peace and joy when a husband fully embraces his role to lead and sacrifice for his wife as Christ did the church and a wife embraces her role of submitting to him as the church does to Christ. In this way, the beautiful light of God’s great masterpiece of marriage will again be seen in a world filled with darkness.